Letting go - The Conclusion

I thought I heard something along with the ring. I strained my ears to hear what it was over the din that the TV was making. It was a giggle. I walked towards the family room. The giggling increased. I watched as the little girl sat in front of the TV enraptured by the silly antics of some cartoon character I did not recognize from Adam. I watched her. She was lost to the world around her. Her whole world concentrated on the goings-on in the life of the cartoon character. She sat with her legs folded underneath her, her hands in her lap, she stared in front of her. Giggling from time to time, frowning for a while before breaking into the giggles once again.
"Hello...Hello Sameer..." I could hear my friend.
"I'll call you back" I whispered not wanting to disturb the little one. If I said that it was the most beautiful sight I ever saw, it would not be an exaggeration. The pure joy the girl's face radiated seemed to permeate my being. I found myself grinning like an idiot at her enthusiasm. I don't know for how long I stood there drinking in the joy that engulfed this girl. She turned to me as I was still watching her and she smiled. The same infectious smile. Gone was the painful shyness. She walked towards me.

"Uncle..." she began.

Good Lord. What was she going to ask now. My throat was parched dry. I did not the first thing about taking care of anyone, leave alone a 7-year old girl. Yes, I had promised to take care of someone a bit older but even that I had bumbled and mumbled. I still remember the exasperation in Sonia's face as I'd tell her that I had forgotten to get the milk for the second day in row. She would not say a word. Just take the keys and walk out. I would run behind her and run down the stairs as she'd take the elevator and be standing next to the car just as she made it there, all out of breath. She would smile and we'd go out and get the offending milk.

"Uncle..." she was pulling my hand.
"Uh-huh! Yeah..yes...dear...What is it?" A little stunned at the change in the scenery in my modest apartment.
"I am hungry".

I stared at her. She stared back. The relief I felt was huge. I laughed. How stupid of me not to have offered the girl anything to eat. It was so late in night. I didn't even know if she had managed to eat anything at the party.

"Yes right. Sure. Sure" I walked into the kitchen with her walking right behind me.

I glanced at the top of the refrigerator where Sonia used to keep all the goodies. The cookies, the cakes, the muffins and the bread. It was empty. Not a trace. Just like her presence. Not a trace. I opened the fridge. All I could find in there was nothing close to be fit for consumption for a 7-year old. Not even a glass of milk. I felt sheepish. The girl continued looking at me with her saucer like eyes.

"Umm...I..umm...we seem to have run out of food" I said.
"Oh! I am not hungry uncle" she said.
"What?" I asked.
"I am not hungry at all."
"What do you mean, you just said you were hungry.."
"No, I ate a lot at the party. I forgot."
I laughed.
"But if you are hungry, then you are hungry..." I said.
"Oh no! Its all right.You know. After some time it shal be fine. I will sleepy in some time. Its so dark. Then I do not need any food." she said.
I looked at her. Her face still cheerful.
"Come with me.." I said taking her out.
Brought a lot of stuff that day. Almost everything that I thought was needed for a little girl not to go hungry for a long, long time. How long had it been since I had paid so much attention to grocery shopping. Always it was taking a bite here, taking a bite there. I felt ashamed. Going to bed on an empty stomach bot because I did not have money to buy food but because I was feeling too lowly about myself. And here was this little girl, going to bed on an empty stomach, with the hope that sleep was going to drive away all traces of hunger.

She seemed very, very quiet to me as we trudged along lane after lane, buying all that money could buy. By the time we went back home, munching on all sorts of snacks, a lot of ice between us had been thawed. She was laughing recollecting the antics of a mouse and I found myself laughing with her. Laughing at how the cat fell time and again for the tricks of the mouse. I was amazed at how easily the laughter came to me. I never thought there'd come a day when I'd be laughing so hard, that it was actually hurting my sides.

We walked in. I tucked her in.
"Uncle could you tell me a story. My mother used to..." her voice trailed off.

I jogged my memory. A story fit for a 7-year old. That was a tough one. But I managed somehow. The same old princess in distress, the handsome prince, a few witches thrown in and ofcourse the faithful horse. When she giggled in between, I'd feel like a million bucks. Soon she drifted off to sleep. I did not know who had enjoyed the seesion more. Her or me. I put off the light and cleaned up a little, put things in their place, checked on Raina once more and then off I went to bed. I was so tired that I did not know when I drifted off to sleep. No demons to chase, no memories to languish in, just a deep refreshing sleep. The TV woke me as I smiled thinking of the previous day's events.

The same day seemed to repeat many a time. My life had changed. Completely. I do not know if it was the better or not. All I know is that I am smiling more. Being grateful more for a lot of things. My job interests me more. The suffering around me touches me more. Children attract me more. The memory of Sonia is still there. Very much there. But is fading. I do not feel like choking myself to death everytime I think of her. My life is much too precious to be thrown away like that. A little girl depends on me and I know that I do not have it in myself to let her down. So I merrily trudge along. I have not ruled any possibility out. Even one of Sonia returning. But I have not ruled out falling in love again too. After all life is much too precious to be sacrificed at the altar of love. If not for yourself, you could learn to live for somebody who needs you. Somebody like Raina in whose life I have been able to make a difference. I might have given her a chance, but she has given me my life back. Hope back and I shall eternally remain grateful to her. Letting go. Letting go of a dream.

*The End*